We have 10 pics total....facebook is not wanting to upload them for some reason so here's one for you to view! Come see me for the rest!

Baby Coak is a boy!! Austin Jacob. He measured 1 lb 3 oz today which is the 48th percentile for his age. Everything measured great and he was head down and facing the ultrasound machine. (so he was laying on his side more or less) I'm sure he will do a lot more moving around before birth though!

Last week his feet were kicking the left side of me and then yesterday and today hes been kicking the right side of me. I do have a anterior placenta ...meaning that its in the front instead of the side or back. Completely normal but since hes so small I only feel movement on my sides and down low. As he grows he will be bigger than the placenta (thats what the doc said) so then I will feel more movements.

Our favorite moment today during the ultrasound was when he yawned really big. We were in the right spot at the right time to see it from start to finish. So Cute! It was near the end so he must have been getting tired of being the center of attention!

I think the baby is just as excited as me to be seen on ultrasound today! Every time I woke up last night he/she was moving. Baby kicked Lacy last night too when she was laying up against me...guess she better get used to that! :)

The big ultrasound is in less than 48 hours! Please pray that everything looks good (we do have some things that run in my family) and that baby cooperates in showing the gender. :)

Just applied for 3 NICU jobs at St. Vincent Women's Hospital in Indianapolis.

PRAYERS PLEASE! I NEED a job! Thanks!

Heartburn!!!!!! ...is no fun!

Countdown to all things Fall related is on! Bath & Body Works now has their fall scented candles, hand soaps, body washes, etc out. Pumpkin spice latte is coming the first week of September to Starbucks! Most stores already have their fall clothing lines out. Bring on the cooler weather and yummy scents!! :)

~Grandma is out of the hospital now and is staying with my parents for a few days before returning to her apartment here in Fort Wayne. :)

~One more week til our ultrasound/OB appt!

~Good potential job lead from a friend who I used to work with at Lutheran. It's in Lima, OH. I'll keep ya updated.

~Classes start on Monday! I LOVE school...yes I'm a dork. :)

Here is a book I am currently reading from the library. It's about trusting yourself and your instincts and not necessarily buying into what every parenting expert says. The author is also the editor in chief of babble.com

9 more days til the ultrasound!!!! :)

Grandma was moved to a regular room on Saturday. :)

She is walking around much more now. Still has the chest tubes since there seems to still be a lot of fluid. She is expected to be home by the end of the week. External pacer is off. Still checking blood sugars and getting insulin shots.

This pregnancy is over half done now! Less than 2 months til my baby shower! :)

Update:

Grandma didn't get to move to the step down unit because she still has her chest tubes. She is also in an irregular heart rhythm (atrial fib for the nurses reading this) but it is controlled. She is up and walking (yesterday and today) with cardiac rehab helping her with a walker.

The doctor (an electrophysiologist--how would you like that for your title?!) has decided that Grandma does not need an internal pacemaker placed at this time. That's great news! Her oxygen got turned down from 4 liters to 3 liters yesterday and she is now off of IV fluids. Chest tubes are still there and the external pacemaker is still there. She is expected to move to the step down unit today.

Grandma's surgery went as planned with no complications during surgery. They were able to repair the 2 valves and did not need to replace them. She came off the ventilator yesterday morning and is on nasal cannula O2. She also has 2 chest tubes.

She is still having some issues with low blood pressure and high blood sugar. The doctors have her on an external pacemaker and think that another surgery to place a pacemaker may be necessary. We will know by Friday. She is still in ICU as of tonight and may be moved to the step down unit tomorrow depending on her blood pressure.

I did not get the job at Ball Memorial that I interviewed for last week. According to my "job application status" on their website ...it appears that the nurse managers for the oncology unit and the pre/post op unit are reviewing my application & resume that I filled out a couple days ago for those 2 positions so I may get called for a interview for those units.

My interview at Clarian West for the level 2 NICU went well on Wednesday. It is a bit farther (more than 2 hrs) than I would like to drive but if they offer me the job I will take it. I should know about that one within the next 8 or so days.

Prayers needed today for my Grandma who is undergoing open heart surgery this morning at Lutheran Hospital. Pray for a smooth surgery and a speedy recovery. This was a planned surgery and she is excepted to be in the hospital for about 10 days.

So...my daily headaches that I've since about week 10-11 are still present. At my last appt my OB just said to continue taking the tylenol every day and keep him updated. For the last 4ish days I've also had left eye twitching with some "stars". I decided to place a call in to my doctors office yesterday about the new correlation.

Talked to the phone nurse who said she would talk to my OB. Well he wasn't in the office yesterday so they called me back today. He thinks the eye twitching is most likely nerve damage from the frequent headaches.

So for now I am supposed to try Darvocet (as needed) to help control the headaches so the nerve(s) can heal. Luckily that script wasn't to expensive! But now my baby is probably gonna be sleepy after I take this new medicine!

Still on daily zofran too...I try to take a break from it but it's near impossible to function without it! My kitchen counter is starting to look like a pharmacy with 2 meds, prenatal vitamins, dha supplements and the extra calcium.

That's ok though. Whatever we need to do to keep this baby (and momma) safe.

I was supposed to have an interview at Clarian West today for their level 2 NICU but the nurse manager had to cancel. :( It will be rescheduled for next week...just waiting on the day/time.

I have an interview this Wednesday morning at Ball Memorial in Muncie for a part time nights position on the Progressive Care Unit...its an adult unit.

Prayers that I get offered a job soon or more interviews. Trying to wait patiently for God's plan.

Decided to take classes this fall to occupy my time ...and of course learn new things. :) Those start Aug 23rd and both are online. Have to take 4credits to be eligble for loans (might be using some of the "leftover" loan $ for baby expenses) and to be a graduate student. One class is 3cr and the other is 1cr. The 3cr hour class will actually be done Nov 1st so that will be super nice in case Baby Coak arrives in early December.

This is what we are listening to this afternoon now that babys hearing is much better this week. :)

Ouch!

That is how I've been feeling allll morning. Lower abdominal pain and low back pain. This baby needs to take a break on its "growth spurt".

I did my reading a day early today (since I don't feel like doing much else) from my 2 pregnancy books and the one mentioned that if you are measuring ahead during this timeframe (I am --by a week) that it could indicate that the baby has hydrocephalus. Ok...enough reading for now.

Had another OB appt today. Still have been having pain off and on so they sent my urine off to be checked for a UTI again just to be sure. Dr.  L also checked my cervix (b/c of the pain issue) and it is still closed and long (normal). He said to keep calling if I have continue to have issues.

Checked the babys heart rate with the doppler and it was ranging between 146 to 152. He said he/she was moving around. :) Blood pressure was better than it was Sunday night...110/70 today.

I also gained 1.5 pounds since my last appt and that is all I've gained total for this pregnancy. He said he was ok with it as long as I am measuring fine....and...I am measuring a week ahead. He's not changing my due date though since I can measure ahead at one appt and be right on track at the next one.

Ultrasound (and next appt) to measure baby and find out the gender is tentatively scheduled for August 26th at 3pm. Andy is trying to get that afternoon off so the appt could change to a different day that week depending on Andy's work schedule. :)

Had our first baby related scare tonight.

I've been having lower abdominal pain since late last night that was mostly unrelieved with water and rest. About 6:30pm tonight I decided to call the after hours number for my doctors office. I explained what was happening and instead of having me talk to the nurse she connected me with the on call OB. Yikes!

He decided that I should be safe and just go to Dupont and get checked out. So off we went. Got to the ER and they decided that I was far enough along that they would rather me go to OB so upstairs they took me to OB triage. They had me pee in cup to send to the lab to see if I had a UTI. Then they found the baby's heartbeat right away with the doppler. :) 150 tonight. Took my blood pressure...which was high for me so I'll be mentioning it at my appt on Thursday and left me alone while they waited on the lab results. Turns out I didn't have a UTI which was good. The OB nurse then checked my cervix (ouch-pressure!) and said I was not dilated..whew! She said it is just growing pain and will happen whenever the baby is going through a growth spurt. So back home we went. :) We were in and out in about an hour. Very happy that everything is ok.

Better to be safe than sorry they kept saying.

Quick vent of the day:  (don't read if you don't want to...it is a bit immature but I had to get it out!)

Kelly is having her ultrasound next week to find out if the baby is a boy or girl...she will be 18weeks. We go to the exact same practice but see different doctors. Why do I have to wait til 22 weeks (like my doctor requested) and she gets to find out next week??!! I think I'm the only one who has to wait past 20 weeks...almost everyone I've talked to finds out in the 18-20 week range.

Her pregnancy just strikes a nerve with me for some reason and I am happy for her but they've copied us on everything. Got married less than 3 months after us, picked the same bedroom furniture as us, got pregnant right after us (after trying for 2-3weeks) and are now due 5 days after me! At least we don't have the same taste in baby names! Good lord!

Sorry that I sound like a spoiled brat! If this were a friend who was due at the same time I would be overjoyed and excited to share it but I think since its family I am just being a brat...so sorry to be so cranky but Andy completely does not understand why this all annoys me.

But on a completely happy note....baby has been kicking me! I swear to god he/she is even though Andy thinks I'm crazy! Also saw on thebump.com someone talking about a onesie that says "Doctor,  not Diva" ...gotta find it and buy it if we are having a girl!

Some have been wondering what our travel system looks like so I'm posting a picture of it since it's not on the registry anymore since we bought it a month or so ago. :) We went with a travel system since you save $60 (with this brand) by buying the pieces together instead of separately...the only con is there are limited colors that way. The brand is the highest in safety ratings also. :) We got it so soon because I watch the sales like a hawk! ..plus I had additional coupons to use on it. Love Babies R Us...those who say it's expensive must not have the free rewards R us card/coupon thing that goes on your keychain! Oh and..Please Vote in the poll on the right!

Sorry for the lack of blogging this week. I've just been depressed/stressed/frustrated for multiple reasons. Don't want to bring everybody down with my bad moods!

Baby Coak has been baking for 4 months now! :)

Pictures of our nursery furniture that we want. :) We don't have enough room in that tiny bedroom for both a changing table and a dresser so we are going with a combo unit. :) Both pieces are from the same collection and have a cherry finish...which we didn't think we would like so we stayed away from it at first! We haven't bought either piece yet. The crib is a sleigh crib (the ends are rounded/slanted) which gives it a unique look since most cribs just have straight ends. (and no that is not the bedding we picked for a girl)

Stole this survey from blogs that I follow of girls that are on thebump.com


Pregnancy: almost 15 weeks

Weight Gain: zero..had lost weight between the 6 week and 10 week appt but am now back to where I started ...and yes Dr.L said that is perfectly fine as long as the belly measures the right amount of centimeters for that week

Sleep: not so great...up every 2-3ish hours

Gender: not sure yet

Name: Giselle Grace or Austin Jacob

Feeling: still nauseous in the evening; headaches several times a week

Cravings: not really...eating a lot of strawberries

Health: good :)

Movement: I havent felt any yet...Dr. L said I should start feeling him/her around 18-22 wks

Belly: measuring exactly on schedule

Current Medications: Zofran, prenatal vitamin, and DHA supplement for brain & eyes

Next Appointment: July 29th

I fixed the poll! Go vote!



edited to add: thought it was fixed...it worked once and now its not. Try and see.

www.Listia.com

Give stuff away for free and in return bid (for free) for something you want. Very similar to ebay.

http://www.listia.com/signup/120738

Baby's heart rate was 154 today on the doppler. :) Belly is measuring on track.

Thought I might be able to find out the gender at the next appt but Dr.L (and most of the other docs in the office) don't do the anatomy (organ/bone measurements) & gender ultrasound til 22-24 weeks. He said he may do a quick US if he has time at my next appt which will be 18w4d to find out the gender but it would be too early to do the other measurements. Otherwise we won't know til the end of August. Crazy!

Next appt is July 29th.

3 1/2 months down... :) 26 or less weeks to go!

Updates:
~no new news on the job front
~all day sickness has passed...usually just been nauseous in the evening
~my grandma is moving back to Fort Wayne this weekend

Hope everyone is enjoying their summer....why are we getting all this rain?!?

Surgery tech called and said Lacy's surgery went well. :) She is still sleeping and I'll be able to go get her in a couple hours. Yay! Thank you God.

Lacy is having surgery today to remove 3 small tumors on her skin. They are not cancerous but they need to come off. Please keep her in your prayers. She will also have sutures that will need to come out in 10-14 days. Can't wait to have my girl back home with me!

Happy Father's Day!

Got my dress for Alan & Cassie's wedding as one of my birthday presents from my parents! :) It's very cute!

Guess I'm not quite in the clear yet. Last night was rough right around 9-10pm and then today has not been easy. I'm out of Zofran and awaiting the doc to fax in another refill. :(

Dare I say that the all day sickness is starting to pass?! I felt good for most of yesterday and I feel good right now. Evening time was still a struggle last night but I think the end is in sight!

Finally got the final word from St. Vincent. They decided to not hire me. Bummer.

I did apply for a NICU job at Clarian North which is in Carmel...so not quite as far as Indy. That would be great to get back in the NICU. I also applied for 2 pediatric jobs at Dupont.

Please continue to pray that I get something!

Got 2 rejection emails from Dupont for 2 of the L & D positions I applied for. Only one spot left. Will I get it? Will I ever get a job?

Less than 200 days to go now!! :)

Sorry for the lack of blogging...not a whole lot is happening right now.

My grandma did have a cardiac cath today which went well and she will be having another test next week. Prayers that the doctors are able to gather enough information to decide what to do.

Head is on the left (bigger round part) with the body next to it. Double click the picture to make it bigger. I have a horrible time with my scanner...

Sorry it's not a clear picture. Would have been better if it was a internal one since the baby is still so small but they were just doing a quick sweep over my belly to catch the heart rate.

My appointment today went well. The actual appt was fast but the waiting took a lil bit since the Dr was at a surgery...so I elected to just see the nurse practitioner. Baby wouldn't cooperate for the doppler so they squeezed me in for a very quick ultrasound. Heart rate was 165. Also got a fairly fuzzy picture but you can tell where the head and body are though.

Next appt is July 1st and should be short and sweet as long as they can hear the heart beat with the doppler.

2 days til my next OB appt. :) and...20 days til my birthday!

Still no word from Dupont or St. V's. Continue to pray that a job comes my way soon. :)

Happy Memorial Day! Hope everyone is enjoying their long weekend. :)

Make a pregnancy ticker

Found yet another ticker...can I have all 3?

Dupont interview went well. She's hoping to have a decision within the next 2 weeks.

Got my response from the CEO. My termination still stands.

Had my court hearing today for my unemployment. My former nurse manager changed some parts of her story and backpedaled a lot. You can tell she's extremely inexperienced with being a manager. The judge was getting super annoyed so hopefully he will rule in my favor. He said he will mail his decision within the next 2 weeks.


.....just wish I could scream and yell and throw a tantrum like a small child who isn't getting her way.

Lacy's vet called back today with the pathology report. The bumps are indeed histocytomas. So they are benign and we just will be watching them for now. If they stay for too long or get bigger she wants to get them removed. Glad that it's nothing serious.

Called HR this morning for an update....got the voicemail for the lady I've been working with on this process. That was a few hours ago...still waiting for a return call. Maybe I just try to track down the CEO's secretary...

Still nothing from the CEO....I think the HR lady feels bad when she calls me to give me updates...it's always the same..."hopefully by tomorrow." She said she told him today to keep her updated as soon as he knew anything.

I have a interview on Wednesday at Dupont for a labor & delivery position! Yay! It's not NICU but it'll do for now plus it's super super close to our house!

Had to take Lacy to the vet today...she has 3 bumps on her body. They weren't doing anything until last night when one of them started bleeding! Yikes! The vet thinks they are histocytomas. She's not a 100% sure so she drew off some fluid from one and is sending it to a pathologist. These are almost always benign but she wanted to cover all her bases. She's also on a antibiotic for 2 weeks now. This is good preparation for children! First a bee sting on the nose...then pink eye...now this.

One month ago today we found out we were pregnant! :) Time flies!

Still (im)patiently waiting for a job to call for an interview or an offer.

Still waiting on HR or the CEO of Lutheran to get back with me on his response to my letter as part of the grievance process. This part is getting a bit ridiculous since he was supposed to have a 5 day time limit.

My hearing is May 27th at 1pm to fight for my unemployment. Prayers please!

Nothing much to report on.

Dr. L finally let me have a script for Zofran. He wanted me to try a bazillion other things first to see if that would help...and cuz this drug can be kinda pricey. It wasn't too bad though. $17 for 12 pills. Maybe...just maybe I won't need to refill it more than one time. :) 4 weeks left of 1st tri...hopefully the light is at the end of the tunnel!

Vacation went well! :) Andy & I were able to celebrate our 2 year anniversary while we were there too! :)

Baby Coak is still continuing to make me nauseous for the better part of the day. It is significantly worse in the evening. Looking forward to feeling better!

No new news on the job front. 2 out of the 3 jobs that I applied for at St. Vincent are still open so that's a good sign. One of the NICU jobs that I applied to at Dupont is still open so that's good too. Hopefully someone calls me soon!

I mailed my appeal for my denied unemployment and hope to get my court date in a few weeks. Odds are on my side from what I hear.

Still waiting on the CEO of Lutheran to set up a meeting with me for step 3 of the grievance...HR called me today and said he is still not ready to meet with me or make a decision. She's hoping to give me an answer tomorrow or Monday.

I think that's all the updates that I have!

I added a new ticker to better explain the size of the baby. :)

I'll update again after vacation! We will be home Wednesday evening.

Baby's heartrate was 120 today. That's good. He/she is measuring smaller than my previous dates so Dr. L changed my due date to December 26th. Might be in the hospital for Christmas if this baby comes on time. I go back again on June 3rd.

Dupont Hospital just posted 2 part time NICU positions! Yay! Maybe I'll get one of them!

The nausea has set in. :(

It started Friday night and has not really let up. It is waaay worse if I haven't eaten in a while. No puking yet but I feel like crap! I know it'll all be worth it in the end...but I am a wimp!

No word yet from St Vincent or any other potential job.

Another doctor's appt & ultrasound on Thursday to see if we can see or hear the heartbeat yet. Hopefully everything will continue to look good. :)

So...my life just got a bit more complicated.

It's unlikely that my unemployment will get approved. FINALLY got to talk to a real person today after trying several times this week. They said there is a 6-8 week period of time where they determine if they can approve you or deny you if you are fired. The lady said that since the hospital had a good reason to fire me that I most likely will get denied but she couldn't say for sure.

Sooo..I've already been waiting for 3 weeks since I filed the day after I got fired. I asked her what to do in the meantime while I was waiting and she said "well honey just get a job". Oh yes...why didn't I think of that?! You retarded lady!

Everything looks good. :) There wasn't too much to see on the ultrasound. The tech saw the gestational sac and the yolk sac. Dr. L thinks I ovulated late and that's why we couldn't hear a heartbeat today. So I will go back in one week for another ultrasound. So we get to see the baby right before vacation! :)

I survived the blood draws....4 vials! The nurse said that's the most that they will have to draw for the whole pregnancy and if everything goes well I won't need more blood drawn until around 28 weeks for the gestational diabetes screening.

Dr.L may also push my due date back by 5 days or so depending on how big the baby is on the next ultrasound.

We have our first appointment tomorrow. Say a special prayer that everything looks good. :) ...and that I don't faint during the blood draw!

There is certainly something in the water in Indiana. :)

Another friend (from Lutheran) just told me today that she is due in October. That makes 3 girlies that I know due in October. Our baby will have 3 new playmates by the end of the year! Wouldn't it be wild if they were all the same gender?!

So we have some exciting news to finally announce!!

I am Pregnant!! :) We found out April 19th. :) We told my parents, Alan & Cassie tonight. Of course they are excited!! We are telling Andy's family on Friday night.

Our first doctor's appt is this Thursday morning. :) I am due December 17th (tentatively).

Please don't say anything on Facebook just yet because Andy's sisters are on there and I don't want them to find out that way.

My interview went very well. They said it could be a few weeks before they decide since there are still a high number of applicants to interview. Let the waiting games begin! Took 2 hours and 4 minutes to get there...that was with stopping for gas and going through 2 construction zones....usually does not take that long!

It's hard to take a break from blogging...so I'm back but only with limited news.

I had my meeting with the chief of nursing today. A member from HR was also present. I did not get my job back. :( She even had the compliance officier talk to me. I'm moving on to the next step of the grievance process which is the CEO. I have little faith that I'll get my job back at this point.

Our new washer came today! Yay for that!

I have my interview at St. Vincent Women's tomorrow morning at 11am. Going to be a long day ...about 4 hours of driving total for a 30 minute or less interview! Maybe I'll eat lunch in Indy before I make the trip back home!

Going to be taking a break from the blog for a lil bit....stay tuned. :)

3 days of Provera down and no signs of my period yet. I feel like sometimes this blog keeps everyone intimately updated with my body! Sorry about that!

In other news our washer, of course, took a crap this past week. It died during a load of towels. We had Andy's friend Joe, who is a appliance repair man, come out and look at it on Saturday afternoon. He determined that the motor was dead and it would be better if we just got a new washer. So off to Lowe's we went yesterday to get a somewhat cheap washer that we would be ok with leaving in the house after we move. Just had to happen after I lost my job. The downside is that the washer can't be delivered til Thursday. So much for their marketing of "next day delivery."

Less than 3 weeks til vacation now. :)

Finally got "Step 1" of the grievance report back today from HR at Lutheran. My boss is still standing by her decision to terminate me. So now I will move on to either her boss or the nursing officer. Please continue to pray that God will let me know his plan for my job situation soon. :)

3 posts in one day so far...geeze! Sorry!

Here is a picture of the perfect girl's room!

Got the Provera. Starting it tonight. The script is for 5 days but my period could start before the end of the 5 days.

Enjoy the beautiful day!

I can't sleep! Not sure why...I'm yawning like crazy but I have so much on my mind.

Emailed my doctors nurse through the patient portal on the WHA website tonight to see if I could get a prescription for Provera soon to end this potentially long cycle. Last time I took it he only made me wait 36 days...but I've had cycles as long as 48 says so we'll see. I'm rambling now! Sorry!

I hope my interview goes well and that they offer me the job plus a sign on bonus. :) I want to get some more money saved up for potential fertility treatments.

Interview with St. Vincent Women's Hospital on Friday April 23rd at 11am. Wish me luck! This would be for a position in their 75 bed NICU.

Another negative pregnancy test this morning.

****Be forewarned. This blog entry is not short and not happy. Read at your discretion.****


I'm so angry at so many things and situations in my life.

1) My infertility is a big one. I'm so frustrated that we can't move forward with meds and/or treatments right now. I HATE the forced break from medications. This cycle is inching very close to 36 days meaning that it's a non-ovulatory cycle. Basically another waste of a cycle.

If we don't get pregnant soon then I really think it's going to hinder how many children we have. I don't want to be a old mother. Yes I freaking already know that 24 is not old. But if I get pregnant with the next cycle I'll be 25 when that baby is born. OB's almost exclusively recommend not getting pregnant before the first child is a year old due to the high risk of preterm delivery and complications with the uterus. So that will put me at 26...with the second child being delivered when I'm 27. That's if it all goes right. Then you gotta factor in that 90% of your eggs are gone by the time you are 30 years old.

I also HATE when people tell me to "just relax"...ok ..how about you go through the unknown with people telling you left and right that all you need to do is 1)relax, 2)go on vacation, and 3)focus on other things. I've been told all that and much more. There are very few close to me that even understand how difficult this is. Those that say that God has a plan....are making me think they are off their rocker. What God chooses to deny a child to responsible, educated, married couples? Get back with me when you have the answer to that one.

2) My job loss is obviously another thing that I am angry about. The whole situation is just freaking ridiculous. My stupid boss has yet to get back with me. It will be 7 days tomorrow since I gave her the grievance report. She had a 5 day mandatory time limit to respond. She either doesn't care or can't read. If I am offered my job back I will probably have to go back to nights since I would be "starting over." That fact really doesn't even bother me. Never in a million years did I think I would get fired from the job that I was born to do.

3) Money. This probably doesn't need an explanation. Money has a hand in every decision we make as a human. It has the power to prevent you from doing something and at the same time has the power to allow you to do something. All of the money that we have saved for our next house that we hope to build is about to go completely out the window if I can't get a job asap. That is depressing.

4) I am also intermittently angry with Andy because I just want to move forward with trying to get pregnant and he is insisting on this 4 month break. He believes we will get pregnant on our own. I think he is delusional sometimes. I'm the one who has done the research and has seen the ultrasounds showing that my left ovary is not functioning and the right one barely gave a good response with the highest dose of medication. Maybe I should have made him come with me to 5 ultrasounds, 4 visits with the OB, and 2 shots. Oh and maybe I could have somehow let him experience the ovulation pain, the side effects of the Clomid, and the agony of waiting to test and finding out it's negative. Guys have it a thousand times easier.

Sorry if I offended anyone or gave too much information. My life is not easy right now and I HATE not knowing what's going to happen.

Contemplating going back to school to finish my NNP degree. If I do I would graduate in May of 2012 ...due to me taking this semester off it complicates things since some classes are only offered at certain times.

I might not even be able to start again until January (due to class availability)...there's a possiblity that I could take a class this summer but I'm not sure since there's a certain order that you must do things...I think that rings true for most degrees! I've emailed my advisor to ask her but I might end up calling her tomorrow.

Also talked to the nurse recruiter at St. Vincent. She had already sent my application to the nurse manager in the NICU so that's a good sign!

If I do go back to school and end up pregnant that will throw an additional wrench into the plans but I think I could handle it all. :)

Lots of prayers please.

Negative pregnancy test and still no period. What is wrong with me?

Nothing new to report on today.

Still playing the waiting game with both my body and my job.

Luckily my boss is only allowed 5 days or less to respond to my grievance report so I should hear an answer on that soon. If it's not the right answer (getting my job back) then I will move on to the next step in the chain of command. There's up to 6 steps.

So for now...we just sit and wait.

Negative pregnancy test today.

Not surprised (but still sad) since we don't know when or even if I ovulated. My period has also not shown its ugly face yet either so I'll test again in a few days depending on what happens.

I found out this morning that I qualify for unemployment.

It will be roughly 2/3 of what my normal paycheck would be. That's better than $0 though.

I also applied for 4 jobs today. Anxiety level is getting kind of high right now.

Testing tomorrow. It is probably an insane thing to say...but I really do hope that I am pregnant. Even with my job loss. I know we can figure it all out.

Andy has already been re-working the budget and we have money in savings to hopefully tide us over til I either get my job back or find other employment. I also filed for umemployment...I hate feeling like a statistic...I am now one of the many that is jobless. :(

For those that don't already know...I got fired yesterday!

Very long story but has to do with the comment/post that I had on facebook at the end of February about a work situation and a father that threatened me. Well my boss had a mtg with me a couple days after that incident to remind me that I can't discuss work and potentially patient identifying information in the public and I said ok and signed a paper that said I understood. She told me that she would forward it to the corporate compliance officer.

Fast forward to yesterday. I got called out of work to go down to HR. When I get there my boss, her boss, HR and a rep from corporate is there. They explained that they had to fire me because there was the potential that someone could link that bipolar dad to a specific name/family in our unit. They say that's a HIPAA violation. So no written warning, suspension, time off without pay...nothing in the usual discipline command!

I told them that I never listed name, gender, date of birth or room number so I did not understand how it could be a violation of privacy.

They didnt care. They said I could file a grievance report so I did take the paperwork for that.

They also fired another girl in our unit for "too many absences". I think corporate is just trying to make cuts any way they can. :(

PLEASE DONT SAY ANYTHING ON FACEBOOK OR MYSPACE ABOUT ME LOSING MY JOB OR ANYTHING RELATED TO LUTHERAN HOSPITAL ...doing so could hinder me getting my job back since there is an inside person reporting everything to my (former) boss!

Please pray that I either get my job back or get another one very soon!

"It's hard to wait around for something you know may never happen, but it's even harder when you know it's everything you want."

This quote fits us.

So frustrated with things not going as planned.

I really hope this cycle works or I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Life is not fair that's for sure.

Hope everyone is enjoying Good Friday. Have a great Easter and remember to give thanks to the Lord who died for your sins. Easter is not about eating chocolate bunnies!

Possibly 9 more days til testing?!

That would be nice to know one way or the other that soon. It's unlikely though that I'll have another 29 day cycle. I've read in a few places that most women go back to longer cycles after taking fertility meds.

I've been praying hard though so maybe just maybe God has it in his plan for me to get pregnant with this cycle. Tomorrow will mark 8 months of trying to get pregnant. :(

The spare room is finished. :) The color is macaroon cream. It seems very bright in there now compared to the purple color that it was before. Can't wait to start actually decorating it...if ya know what I mean. We are going to be getting a fabric window shade very soon to cover the window.

Two of our flowers we planted last summer are blooming now. :) The ones that haven't bloomed yet are starting to come through the mulch! Yay for warm temperatures coming our way this weekend!

Negatives for Sunday & Monday. $25 down the drain!

Our spare room is almost done being painted. Kerry didn't start on it til yesterday and she will be finishing it tonight.

Work is starting to slow down again. We are down to 13 babies. Really hope we don't have to start floating again to peds and picu! Seems like RSV season should be about over so maybe they won't be needing us.

Negatives for Friday and Saturday on the ovulation predictor kit. Depressing! Maybe I just missed my LH surge...who knows.

Another stinkin' negative result. But that's ok....if I have another 29 day cycle like I did the past 2 cycles then I should ovulate on Friday. We'll see.

Only working 4 hours today...scheduling committee moved around some of my hours. Hopefully I'll be able to get the rest of the spare room cleaned out. That room is finally getting painted on Saturday!!

Updates...

Tuesday morning: ovulation predictor stick negative.

Tuesday evening: Lacy's obedience class went well. She had a issue with barking/growling at dogs. I didn't take it as a mean bark ...just a "who are you?!" but the trainer said I should not allow her to bark/growl at other dogs.

She did well with sitting on command (she's been doing that since she was a small puppy). We also worked on recall (coming when called), heeling on a leash and sit/stay. She was a good girl. :)

Wednesday morning: another negative stick.

Looking forward to the warmer weather and losing some more of the fertility medication induced weight gain!

The Healthcare Reform Bill passed into legislation.

This totally sucks for the working men & women. Those who currently have health insurance through their employer are going to be taxed more to help pay for those who don't/won't work!

It is also going to change the way some states treat infertility. Lovely! :(

Welcome to the USSA -- United Socialist States of America.

Planning to start using an ovulation predictor kit (for 7 days) starting Tuesday. Hopefully this one works. When I used them in the very beginning before the fertility meds I never got a positive. Kinda depressing.

Today went much, much better at work.

Got to admit a super critical baby around 6am and it was a one on one all day. I love the challenging critical tiny babies! :)

Only downside is I only got to pee once early in the morning and never got to eat lunch. Oh well. I LOVE my job! We are up to 14 babies now!

The first night of obedience training went well last night. I didn't bring Lacy with me...the first night is just for the owners. I like the trainer so far...she seems knowledgeable and nice. :)

Today is going to suck! I've been in pediatrics since 3am and I'm supposed to be here all day ...til 3:30pm. I HATE floating!!!!

We either need more babies or they need less kids! We have 11 babies....pray for no more floating because no one likes it. It's so overwhelming and loud on day shift!

This weekend has went by quickly! I didn't do a whole lot but that's ok. :)

Lacy's obedience classes start this week and I'm looking forward to that.

Also trying to focus on enjoying this process more...and really hoping that I don't drive myself crazy not knowing what's going on with my ovaries since I won't be monitored this cycle.

Ticker above....no other words.

So very depressed.

Tested this morning before Andy went to work so that he could be here during. It was negative...ugly mean tests!

Went back to sleep and woke up an hour later with horrible stomach pain that made me feel like I was going to throw up. That lasted about 15 minutes then I started feeling better. I'm taking that to mean that my stupid period is on its way. :(

Why me? What did I do to deserve this???

I'll keep ya updated. If my period doesn't come by tomorrow night then I'll test again Saturday.

Lost some self-control and tested yesterday when I got home from work....negative. Of course.

Really hope that doesn't mean I'm out for this cycle!

Still sick also. :(

Sooo sleepy here at work. :( This 3am-3pm is going to take some getting used to.

My throat has been sore for 2 days now...hoping that it doesn't turn into anything!

Andy and I got our patio furniture this past Sunday. :) We also got 3 more storage bins to help organize stuff that is in the spare room so that we can move it to the garage. Soon we are going to buy shelving for the garage to make it more organized...finally!

Had to work my call time last night...and I gotta work it again tonight. Boo! It's from 7pm-3am. So I'll sleep from 4am-8:30am then get up to be at the mall by 10am!

Might be tired tomorrow girls!

Feeling pretty optimistic about this cycle!

9 or less days til testing!

Work has been insane...in more ways than one.

Very nice to see the sunshine and hear that it's going to warm up this weekend. I think we are all ready for winter to be over. :)

10-12 more days....maybe I'll test on both days. :)

This week should actually go pretty quick. Working Tuesday & Wednesday. Dentist and call time on Thursday. Baby Shower for a girl at work and possibly more call time on Friday and then hanging with the girls on Saturday!

Happy March...Spring is coming!