Vacation went well! :) Andy & I were able to celebrate our 2 year anniversary while we were there too! :)

Baby Coak is still continuing to make me nauseous for the better part of the day. It is significantly worse in the evening. Looking forward to feeling better!

No new news on the job front. 2 out of the 3 jobs that I applied for at St. Vincent are still open so that's a good sign. One of the NICU jobs that I applied to at Dupont is still open so that's good too. Hopefully someone calls me soon!

I mailed my appeal for my denied unemployment and hope to get my court date in a few weeks. Odds are on my side from what I hear.

Still waiting on the CEO of Lutheran to set up a meeting with me for step 3 of the grievance...HR called me today and said he is still not ready to meet with me or make a decision. She's hoping to give me an answer tomorrow or Monday.

I think that's all the updates that I have!

I added a new ticker to better explain the size of the baby. :)

I'll update again after vacation! We will be home Wednesday evening.

Baby's heartrate was 120 today. That's good. He/she is measuring smaller than my previous dates so Dr. L changed my due date to December 26th. Might be in the hospital for Christmas if this baby comes on time. I go back again on June 3rd.

Dupont Hospital just posted 2 part time NICU positions! Yay! Maybe I'll get one of them!

The nausea has set in. :(

It started Friday night and has not really let up. It is waaay worse if I haven't eaten in a while. No puking yet but I feel like crap! I know it'll all be worth it in the end...but I am a wimp!

No word yet from St Vincent or any other potential job.

Another doctor's appt & ultrasound on Thursday to see if we can see or hear the heartbeat yet. Hopefully everything will continue to look good. :)

So...my life just got a bit more complicated.

It's unlikely that my unemployment will get approved. FINALLY got to talk to a real person today after trying several times this week. They said there is a 6-8 week period of time where they determine if they can approve you or deny you if you are fired. The lady said that since the hospital had a good reason to fire me that I most likely will get denied but she couldn't say for sure.

Sooo..I've already been waiting for 3 weeks since I filed the day after I got fired. I asked her what to do in the meantime while I was waiting and she said "well honey just get a job". Oh yes...why didn't I think of that?! You retarded lady!

Everything looks good. :) There wasn't too much to see on the ultrasound. The tech saw the gestational sac and the yolk sac. Dr. L thinks I ovulated late and that's why we couldn't hear a heartbeat today. So I will go back in one week for another ultrasound. So we get to see the baby right before vacation! :)

I survived the blood draws....4 vials! The nurse said that's the most that they will have to draw for the whole pregnancy and if everything goes well I won't need more blood drawn until around 28 weeks for the gestational diabetes screening.

Dr.L may also push my due date back by 5 days or so depending on how big the baby is on the next ultrasound.

We have our first appointment tomorrow. Say a special prayer that everything looks good. :) ...and that I don't faint during the blood draw!

There is certainly something in the water in Indiana. :)

Another friend (from Lutheran) just told me today that she is due in October. That makes 3 girlies that I know due in October. Our baby will have 3 new playmates by the end of the year! Wouldn't it be wild if they were all the same gender?!

So we have some exciting news to finally announce!!

I am Pregnant!! :) We found out April 19th. :) We told my parents, Alan & Cassie tonight. Of course they are excited!! We are telling Andy's family on Friday night.

Our first doctor's appt is this Thursday morning. :) I am due December 17th (tentatively).

Please don't say anything on Facebook just yet because Andy's sisters are on there and I don't want them to find out that way.

My interview went very well. They said it could be a few weeks before they decide since there are still a high number of applicants to interview. Let the waiting games begin! Took 2 hours and 4 minutes to get there...that was with stopping for gas and going through 2 construction zones....usually does not take that long!

It's hard to take a break from blogging...so I'm back but only with limited news.

I had my meeting with the chief of nursing today. A member from HR was also present. I did not get my job back. :( She even had the compliance officier talk to me. I'm moving on to the next step of the grievance process which is the CEO. I have little faith that I'll get my job back at this point.

Our new washer came today! Yay for that!

I have my interview at St. Vincent Women's tomorrow morning at 11am. Going to be a long day ...about 4 hours of driving total for a 30 minute or less interview! Maybe I'll eat lunch in Indy before I make the trip back home!

Going to be taking a break from the blog for a lil bit....stay tuned. :)

3 days of Provera down and no signs of my period yet. I feel like sometimes this blog keeps everyone intimately updated with my body! Sorry about that!

In other news our washer, of course, took a crap this past week. It died during a load of towels. We had Andy's friend Joe, who is a appliance repair man, come out and look at it on Saturday afternoon. He determined that the motor was dead and it would be better if we just got a new washer. So off to Lowe's we went yesterday to get a somewhat cheap washer that we would be ok with leaving in the house after we move. Just had to happen after I lost my job. The downside is that the washer can't be delivered til Thursday. So much for their marketing of "next day delivery."

Less than 3 weeks til vacation now. :)

Finally got "Step 1" of the grievance report back today from HR at Lutheran. My boss is still standing by her decision to terminate me. So now I will move on to either her boss or the nursing officer. Please continue to pray that God will let me know his plan for my job situation soon. :)

3 posts in one day so far...geeze! Sorry!

Here is a picture of the perfect girl's room!

Got the Provera. Starting it tonight. The script is for 5 days but my period could start before the end of the 5 days.

Enjoy the beautiful day!

I can't sleep! Not sure why...I'm yawning like crazy but I have so much on my mind.

Emailed my doctors nurse through the patient portal on the WHA website tonight to see if I could get a prescription for Provera soon to end this potentially long cycle. Last time I took it he only made me wait 36 days...but I've had cycles as long as 48 says so we'll see. I'm rambling now! Sorry!

I hope my interview goes well and that they offer me the job plus a sign on bonus. :) I want to get some more money saved up for potential fertility treatments.

Interview with St. Vincent Women's Hospital on Friday April 23rd at 11am. Wish me luck! This would be for a position in their 75 bed NICU.

Another negative pregnancy test this morning.

****Be forewarned. This blog entry is not short and not happy. Read at your discretion.****


I'm so angry at so many things and situations in my life.

1) My infertility is a big one. I'm so frustrated that we can't move forward with meds and/or treatments right now. I HATE the forced break from medications. This cycle is inching very close to 36 days meaning that it's a non-ovulatory cycle. Basically another waste of a cycle.

If we don't get pregnant soon then I really think it's going to hinder how many children we have. I don't want to be a old mother. Yes I freaking already know that 24 is not old. But if I get pregnant with the next cycle I'll be 25 when that baby is born. OB's almost exclusively recommend not getting pregnant before the first child is a year old due to the high risk of preterm delivery and complications with the uterus. So that will put me at 26...with the second child being delivered when I'm 27. That's if it all goes right. Then you gotta factor in that 90% of your eggs are gone by the time you are 30 years old.

I also HATE when people tell me to "just relax"...ok ..how about you go through the unknown with people telling you left and right that all you need to do is 1)relax, 2)go on vacation, and 3)focus on other things. I've been told all that and much more. There are very few close to me that even understand how difficult this is. Those that say that God has a plan....are making me think they are off their rocker. What God chooses to deny a child to responsible, educated, married couples? Get back with me when you have the answer to that one.

2) My job loss is obviously another thing that I am angry about. The whole situation is just freaking ridiculous. My stupid boss has yet to get back with me. It will be 7 days tomorrow since I gave her the grievance report. She had a 5 day mandatory time limit to respond. She either doesn't care or can't read. If I am offered my job back I will probably have to go back to nights since I would be "starting over." That fact really doesn't even bother me. Never in a million years did I think I would get fired from the job that I was born to do.

3) Money. This probably doesn't need an explanation. Money has a hand in every decision we make as a human. It has the power to prevent you from doing something and at the same time has the power to allow you to do something. All of the money that we have saved for our next house that we hope to build is about to go completely out the window if I can't get a job asap. That is depressing.

4) I am also intermittently angry with Andy because I just want to move forward with trying to get pregnant and he is insisting on this 4 month break. He believes we will get pregnant on our own. I think he is delusional sometimes. I'm the one who has done the research and has seen the ultrasounds showing that my left ovary is not functioning and the right one barely gave a good response with the highest dose of medication. Maybe I should have made him come with me to 5 ultrasounds, 4 visits with the OB, and 2 shots. Oh and maybe I could have somehow let him experience the ovulation pain, the side effects of the Clomid, and the agony of waiting to test and finding out it's negative. Guys have it a thousand times easier.

Sorry if I offended anyone or gave too much information. My life is not easy right now and I HATE not knowing what's going to happen.

Contemplating going back to school to finish my NNP degree. If I do I would graduate in May of 2012 ...due to me taking this semester off it complicates things since some classes are only offered at certain times.

I might not even be able to start again until January (due to class availability)...there's a possiblity that I could take a class this summer but I'm not sure since there's a certain order that you must do things...I think that rings true for most degrees! I've emailed my advisor to ask her but I might end up calling her tomorrow.

Also talked to the nurse recruiter at St. Vincent. She had already sent my application to the nurse manager in the NICU so that's a good sign!

If I do go back to school and end up pregnant that will throw an additional wrench into the plans but I think I could handle it all. :)

Lots of prayers please.

Negative pregnancy test and still no period. What is wrong with me?

Nothing new to report on today.

Still playing the waiting game with both my body and my job.

Luckily my boss is only allowed 5 days or less to respond to my grievance report so I should hear an answer on that soon. If it's not the right answer (getting my job back) then I will move on to the next step in the chain of command. There's up to 6 steps.

So for now...we just sit and wait.

Negative pregnancy test today.

Not surprised (but still sad) since we don't know when or even if I ovulated. My period has also not shown its ugly face yet either so I'll test again in a few days depending on what happens.

I found out this morning that I qualify for unemployment.

It will be roughly 2/3 of what my normal paycheck would be. That's better than $0 though.

I also applied for 4 jobs today. Anxiety level is getting kind of high right now.

Testing tomorrow. It is probably an insane thing to say...but I really do hope that I am pregnant. Even with my job loss. I know we can figure it all out.

Andy has already been re-working the budget and we have money in savings to hopefully tide us over til I either get my job back or find other employment. I also filed for umemployment...I hate feeling like a statistic...I am now one of the many that is jobless. :(

For those that don't already know...I got fired yesterday!

Very long story but has to do with the comment/post that I had on facebook at the end of February about a work situation and a father that threatened me. Well my boss had a mtg with me a couple days after that incident to remind me that I can't discuss work and potentially patient identifying information in the public and I said ok and signed a paper that said I understood. She told me that she would forward it to the corporate compliance officer.

Fast forward to yesterday. I got called out of work to go down to HR. When I get there my boss, her boss, HR and a rep from corporate is there. They explained that they had to fire me because there was the potential that someone could link that bipolar dad to a specific name/family in our unit. They say that's a HIPAA violation. So no written warning, suspension, time off without pay...nothing in the usual discipline command!

I told them that I never listed name, gender, date of birth or room number so I did not understand how it could be a violation of privacy.

They didnt care. They said I could file a grievance report so I did take the paperwork for that.

They also fired another girl in our unit for "too many absences". I think corporate is just trying to make cuts any way they can. :(

PLEASE DONT SAY ANYTHING ON FACEBOOK OR MYSPACE ABOUT ME LOSING MY JOB OR ANYTHING RELATED TO LUTHERAN HOSPITAL ...doing so could hinder me getting my job back since there is an inside person reporting everything to my (former) boss!

Please pray that I either get my job back or get another one very soon!

"It's hard to wait around for something you know may never happen, but it's even harder when you know it's everything you want."

This quote fits us.

So frustrated with things not going as planned.

I really hope this cycle works or I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Life is not fair that's for sure.

Hope everyone is enjoying Good Friday. Have a great Easter and remember to give thanks to the Lord who died for your sins. Easter is not about eating chocolate bunnies!

Possibly 9 more days til testing?!

That would be nice to know one way or the other that soon. It's unlikely though that I'll have another 29 day cycle. I've read in a few places that most women go back to longer cycles after taking fertility meds.

I've been praying hard though so maybe just maybe God has it in his plan for me to get pregnant with this cycle. Tomorrow will mark 8 months of trying to get pregnant. :(

The spare room is finished. :) The color is macaroon cream. It seems very bright in there now compared to the purple color that it was before. Can't wait to start actually decorating it...if ya know what I mean. We are going to be getting a fabric window shade very soon to cover the window.

Two of our flowers we planted last summer are blooming now. :) The ones that haven't bloomed yet are starting to come through the mulch! Yay for warm temperatures coming our way this weekend!

Negatives for Sunday & Monday. $25 down the drain!

Our spare room is almost done being painted. Kerry didn't start on it til yesterday and she will be finishing it tonight.

Work is starting to slow down again. We are down to 13 babies. Really hope we don't have to start floating again to peds and picu! Seems like RSV season should be about over so maybe they won't be needing us.

Negatives for Friday and Saturday on the ovulation predictor kit. Depressing! Maybe I just missed my LH surge...who knows.

Another stinkin' negative result. But that's ok....if I have another 29 day cycle like I did the past 2 cycles then I should ovulate on Friday. We'll see.

Only working 4 hours today...scheduling committee moved around some of my hours. Hopefully I'll be able to get the rest of the spare room cleaned out. That room is finally getting painted on Saturday!!

Updates...

Tuesday morning: ovulation predictor stick negative.

Tuesday evening: Lacy's obedience class went well. She had a issue with barking/growling at dogs. I didn't take it as a mean bark ...just a "who are you?!" but the trainer said I should not allow her to bark/growl at other dogs.

She did well with sitting on command (she's been doing that since she was a small puppy). We also worked on recall (coming when called), heeling on a leash and sit/stay. She was a good girl. :)

Wednesday morning: another negative stick.

Looking forward to the warmer weather and losing some more of the fertility medication induced weight gain!

The Healthcare Reform Bill passed into legislation.

This totally sucks for the working men & women. Those who currently have health insurance through their employer are going to be taxed more to help pay for those who don't/won't work!

It is also going to change the way some states treat infertility. Lovely! :(

Welcome to the USSA -- United Socialist States of America.

Planning to start using an ovulation predictor kit (for 7 days) starting Tuesday. Hopefully this one works. When I used them in the very beginning before the fertility meds I never got a positive. Kinda depressing.

Today went much, much better at work.

Got to admit a super critical baby around 6am and it was a one on one all day. I love the challenging critical tiny babies! :)

Only downside is I only got to pee once early in the morning and never got to eat lunch. Oh well. I LOVE my job! We are up to 14 babies now!

The first night of obedience training went well last night. I didn't bring Lacy with me...the first night is just for the owners. I like the trainer so far...she seems knowledgeable and nice. :)

Today is going to suck! I've been in pediatrics since 3am and I'm supposed to be here all day ...til 3:30pm. I HATE floating!!!!

We either need more babies or they need less kids! We have 11 babies....pray for no more floating because no one likes it. It's so overwhelming and loud on day shift!

This weekend has went by quickly! I didn't do a whole lot but that's ok. :)

Lacy's obedience classes start this week and I'm looking forward to that.

Also trying to focus on enjoying this process more...and really hoping that I don't drive myself crazy not knowing what's going on with my ovaries since I won't be monitored this cycle.

Ticker above....no other words.

So very depressed.

Tested this morning before Andy went to work so that he could be here during. It was negative...ugly mean tests!

Went back to sleep and woke up an hour later with horrible stomach pain that made me feel like I was going to throw up. That lasted about 15 minutes then I started feeling better. I'm taking that to mean that my stupid period is on its way. :(

Why me? What did I do to deserve this???

I'll keep ya updated. If my period doesn't come by tomorrow night then I'll test again Saturday.

Lost some self-control and tested yesterday when I got home from work....negative. Of course.

Really hope that doesn't mean I'm out for this cycle!

Still sick also. :(

Sooo sleepy here at work. :( This 3am-3pm is going to take some getting used to.

My throat has been sore for 2 days now...hoping that it doesn't turn into anything!

Andy and I got our patio furniture this past Sunday. :) We also got 3 more storage bins to help organize stuff that is in the spare room so that we can move it to the garage. Soon we are going to buy shelving for the garage to make it more organized...finally!

Had to work my call time last night...and I gotta work it again tonight. Boo! It's from 7pm-3am. So I'll sleep from 4am-8:30am then get up to be at the mall by 10am!

Might be tired tomorrow girls!

Feeling pretty optimistic about this cycle!

9 or less days til testing!

Work has been insane...in more ways than one.

Very nice to see the sunshine and hear that it's going to warm up this weekend. I think we are all ready for winter to be over. :)

10-12 more days....maybe I'll test on both days. :)

This week should actually go pretty quick. Working Tuesday & Wednesday. Dentist and call time on Thursday. Baby Shower for a girl at work and possibly more call time on Friday and then hanging with the girls on Saturday!

Happy March...Spring is coming!

The first 2 weeks of this cycle went fast...now the last 2 weeks are starting to go slow. Figures!

I'm still sore but it's better than it was yesterday so maybe I will be completly pain free by tomorrow. It'll be nice to wear my jeans without my lower abdomen feeling like a ton of pressure is being put on it.

We got a new scale today and my weight is depressing! The fertility drugs are notorious for making you gain weight. I really didn't think it would happen as bad to me (guess I'm naive) but a lot of it is water retention or so I think.

I can test on CD 28 Dr. L said but I'll prolly try to hold out til CD 30 since the longer you wait the more accurate the test is. Just praying that this cycle works...maybe 3rd times a charm (with Clomid).

If not it's on to cycle # 7....yuck!

Here's the update that some may have been waiting for. :)

Left side was lazy as usual...should we even expect it to cooperate?

Right side has one that is 20mm. So I was able to get my trigger injection this morning! Yay for that!

Also ...the tech didn't use any gel this time around...she said she has read a couple of studies that show it could potentially kill sperm. Why the heck haven't the other techs said anything? I went to the Parkview North office today instead of the Dupont office since that's where Dr. L was today. Maybe I need to educate the other girls...lol!

Now I just gotta relax and prepare for the ovulation pain/soreness.

My poor Lacy had to go to the vet today.

Her right eye has been draining yellowish stuff since Monday night-Tuesday. Today when we woke up her eye was very red. I called the vet and got her in this morning to be seen. Her regular doc wasn't in so she had to see someone else in the practice...which I wasn't too fond of but it worked out fine.

They ran 3 different tests on her eye. She didn't have any scratches on her eye and her tear ducts were fine. They then did an eye pressure test which also is how they test for glaucoma. Her pressures were high in both eyes. :(

He said it's possible that it could have been a false reading since she was stressed/excited so he wanted to keep her and sedate her to check her eyes again while she was out.

Turns out her eye pressures were fine while she was sedated. So he ended up diagnosing her with conjunctivitis which is basically pink eye. She'll be on eye drops for the right eye for 10 days. We also have to go back on Monday for another sedation/eye pressure check just to make sure everything is ok.

Whew...long nerve wracking day for her momma!

Congrats to Abbey who is expecting baby # 2 in October! Best of luck to ya chica!

Not sure why my ticker still says day 10 (it's really day 11). I tried to fix it but it didn't work. Oh well.

Working tomorrow and then all weekend (it's my weekend...I don't like working it though!).

Hopefully something wonderful happens this weekend. :)

Well we had all 5 dogs together at my parents tonight: Abbey, Larry, Lacy, Sophee, & Hadley! They actually played really well together for the most part. Abbey was pretty quiet and just watched. Larry was kinda mean/agressive to Hadley so Andy held him most of the time.

Lacy and Hadley loved each other!! Lacy finally has someone to "box" with! My mom got it on video camera. :)

Only one more night of taking this crazy medicine! Really hope it does a great job on my ovaries!

In other news ...get to see Hadley again tomorrow! :) (that's Alan's new puppy!)

So frustrated with life.

Really trying to be optimistic about this cycle working. I just am so over being depressed about it all. Taking a break sounds even more depressing but Andy thinks I'm too stressed about all this and of course thinks things aren't as fun.

This cycle is going by faster than what I thought it would. Yay for that!

Andy and I have officially decided that we are going on vacation in May for our 2 year anniversary. We need it badly. We are going regardless if I get pregnant or not.

There are 2 better pics on facebook. This blogger won't let me rotate them and I didn't want to load them sideways!

Starting 150mg of Clomid tomorrow through Saturday. Ultrasound on Feb 25th at 9:30am. Please pray for good follicle growth. This is emotionally draining.

In other news...our new stove and refrigerator are being delivered today! Andy has the day off so he gets to help the delivery guys. We decided to use part of our tax return to get a little nicer appliances to help the resale value for when we go to sell the house. We may or may not get a new dishwasher in the future...ours isn't that old.

I may just be a little dorky and post pics later when I get home from work!

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

We went out to breakfast and then saw the movie Valentine's Day at Carmike. It was really good! :)

We are going out to dinner at Chappells later! :)

While I'm Waiting - John Waller

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord



Mom sent me this song. It's on my playlist on the bottom right side of my blog.

Very shitty start to my day.

Woke up and my period had started. Why couldn't my body have cooperated this time?

Plan: Emailing Dr. L's nurse to have him call in a script for 150mg of Clomid. Scheduling a follicle study for Feb 25th or 26th.

If this round doesn't work then I will be more upset because Andy wants to take a break after this.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

"Be where you are." - John Suici

"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." - Lao Tzu

Colts lost. :( Not good.


Getting soo impatient about waiting to know if I'm pregnant or not! Might go in to get my blood drawn mid to late week...just not sure how much longer I can wait.

I'll let you girls know if it's positive fairly soon after we find out. We want to tell our parents first. :)

If it's negative then I'll for sure tell ya soon so that you can continue to pray for our strength.

Go Colts! :)

Adjusted my ticker since I won't be testing on CD 30. I'm gonna try to hold out til after Valentine's Day. Wish us luck!

Starting to feel really nervous. We really want this cycle to work.

If it doesn't Andy said we could try one more cycle with the highest dose of Clomid and then he wants to take a 4 month break. :( It's hard to think about that due to the fact that I wasn't ovulating on my own when we were trying before the fertility drugs.

Thank you for the continued prayers.

Ugg...I feel bad for such a long ranting post. I did it while I was pissed off. Opps!

Anyways still trying to remain optimistic about this cycle. I am pain free today. I plan on testing 2 weeks from today if I can make it that long. Not sure if I want to waste money on a home test or just go into the office and have them draw my blood.

Wow just wow is all I can say sometimes about people that I encounter in my day to day life. I know that my life might seem to be a bit obsessed with babies and infertility and the whole nine yards right now.

Does that mean that I don't deserve to have a place to vent or to update? If you honestly don't care to read the updates or don't think that I should be upset by anything than just DONT read the blog. Duh!

While reading books about infertility, I have come across a list of things not to say to someone who is infertile. Each of the 3 books has suggested to list it somewhere for friends/family. I really don't want to do that. I don't want to seem childish/immature/coldhearted.

Yes, I understand that most questions are asked out of curiosity and I honestly don't mind answering questions and educating people. But please stop telling me to relax! and the biggest kicker...don't tell me that your life is worse than mine. I don't want to compare lives!

Added some books that I've read from the library to the right side of my blog. I am still reading the "A Few Good Eggs" one. Here's a book that I spent money on last summer but obviously did not help me...it's up for grabs for anyone that might like to read it.

Still so sore. My injection site doesn't hurt too much unless I bump it or lay on it the wrong way. My lower abdomen though is killin' me since Friday. They call it post-ovulation pain and I guess you feel it more due to the high level of hormones working on your uterus/ovaries. I just hope I really did ovulate and that it's not all in my head!

Enjoyed my first day on day shift. :) Our census is super low....we only have 10 babies....we would like to have double that! I know that's bad to hope for premature and/or sick babies but it's what pays the bills and I love my job.

My mom did our taxes today!! Yahoo!! :) Estimating 8-10 days til we get our return.

Looking forward to Valentines Day. Hopefully everyone else is too.

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer,
believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. ~Mark 11:24


Just have to wait for it to be on God's time. That is the hard part.

Since I'm supposed to be focusing on other things now...

Andy let me get new stuff for the bathroom. :) We got a new shower curtain and matching rug. Its a silvery-gray color. The shower curtain was 50% off! Now we just need to paint the bathroom. The paint job in there is bad!

Next on the list is checking out obedience classes for Miss Lacy!

Still praying that this cycle works for us. :) The site where I got my shot is super sore so maybe that's a good sign....maybe it all absorbed.

Get prepared for a very long post.


Well my wallet and my left hip are hurting today. The injection was huge...3 mls (about an inch and a half of fluid). So we get to have "timed intercourse" this weekend. Sorry if that's tmi! Dr. L said the Hcg can stay in the body for a while (at least 10 days) so he's recommending not taking a pregnancy test until at least 14 days from now. Or I could go in and have my blood drawn (for a fee). If my period doesn't start he wants my blood drawn anyways. So ...14 days from now is February 12. Right before Valentines Day....so I might just wait til the 15th if I can hold out that long.

Andy doesn't want to continue with the treatments. He is stressed about the cost and is now admitting that he thinks we should have tried on our own for a longer amount of time. Even though I wasn't ovulating so it didn't matter. We could have tried forever.

So if this cycle doesn't work we may try one more cycle with an increased dosage of the Clomid. Or we might not. If he decides that we can't handle one more cycle then we jump right to his plan of trying on our own for 4 months. If we still aren't pregnant after all that then we will reevaulate our options. I'm not very optimistic that it will happen without the treatments since I wasn't ovulating before and still haven't. But marriage is about compromise right? Gotta be willing to try it the other way for a while.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would end up in this situation. Both my mother and Andy think everything baby related is consuming my life so they are trying to get me to focus on other things. I thought when you wanted something you go after it with all you have...not just sit back and hope it happens.

Sorry if I sound like a dramatic brat. Being a mother is all that I want to do.

This day just keeps getting better and better. NOT! So freaking upset tonight.

Hoping that the injection doesn't cost a ton tomorrow.

Praying that it works because I don't like the options of what Andy wants to do next.

Sorry for yesterdays ranting post. :( The drugs make me crazy I think. Just ask Andy! I do know that you all care about us and what's going on...I'm just an emotional person right now.

Found out last night that my shot might cost more than I what thought! I was looking at the "fees page" on WHA and saw it on there. I sent an email through the portal thing on WHA to see if the biller could answer my question about whether insurance possibly covers part of it. We'll see. I need to start a running tally of expenses....could get scary!

Still feeling depressed and not very optimistic. I am just too afraid to think postively. Andy is not wanting to hardly talk about IVF or any of the other options just in case we might need them. No one even texted or asked how things went today. :(

Update:

Ultrasound showed multiple small follicles on the left ovary. The tech didn't even measure those. The right side had 2 follicles. One was 12 and the other was 16. Soo...still too small to get the Hcg trigger shot today.

Plan:

I am going back to the office on Friday morning at 9:30am. Instead of doing a repeat ultrasound he is just going to assume that the 16 one will have grown to at least 18 and give me the trigger shot at that time. He did say that it doesn't always work the first time around...which I figured. The success rate is still kinda low but who knows. The chance for multiples with only one follicle releasing is 6-8%. (Average girl has a 1% chance when not on fertility drugs.) If this cycle doesn't produce a pregnancy then he wants to see me for 3-4 more cycles before he refers me to the specialist. I don't know if I want to try 3-4 more if this one doesn't work...I was thinking maybe 2 more with him and then moving on.

Please keep praying.

Tomorrow at 9am we will hear some news...hopefully good news. I have an appt after my ultrasound with Dr.L at 9:30am so I'll update the blog when I get home. Wishing I didn't have to work tonight ...it's gonna be hard trying to stay up and not fall asleep in the waiting room!

3 more days til my U/S. Hopefully my follicle size numbers are high. Thanks for the continued prayers.

I have the best husband. Andy is remaining very optimistic about this cycle actually working. :) I love him so very much and it hurts me that I can't give him a child yet.

Me...I'm trying to be optimistic but the statistics are against us for this fertility drug. I am afraid to get too happy or hopeful that I could get pregnant at the end of the month. Then I feel guilty for not being hopeful. It's a never ending emotional cycle. I think about being pregnant every single day...multiple times a day. Having children is a huge dream for me and I really want to accomplish it.

I know we are still early on when it comes to the whole "trying to get pregnant" thing but it's devasting when it doesn't happen like it's supposed to. Or like the movies/media/songs/school teachers say it will. We are doing everything right...at least I hope we are! I've been on prenatal vitamins since June! Freaking 7 months now! I don't smoke or drink. This just isn't fair! AT ALL!

Took the last of my Clomid prescription....grow eggs grow! U/S is Wednesday morning.

I went to my all time favorite store today...Target. :)

I needed to get a baby shower present for a girl at work whose baby shower is next Friday. She is having a boy...and naming him Drew. :) She is a close friend of mine that has suffered through infertility, a miscarriage and the loss of her triplet girls at 22 weeks gestation. She's a strong woman and will be a fantastic mother!

2 days of Clomid down...3 more to go. Reallllly hope my ovaries are cooperating this time.

I went to visit Alan & Cassie on Saturday with Mom, Dad, & Grandma. We got to see the latest in his home renovations. He's done a lot!! Still has some more to do but it all looks great so far. We then toured the hog barns and went out to dinner. :) Less than 7 months til their wedding now! :)

Very excited to spend some time with my girls on Saturday! :) Lunch and shopping!

Skipping the last 2 doses of Provera...luckily that drug didn't cost me too much out of pocket!

Taking 100mg of Clomid days 5-9 then ultrasound on January 27th! We need the sizes to be at least 18mm for the trigger shot...please be praying!

Started my period very late last night ...waiting to see if Dr. L wants me to take the last 2 doses of Provera. My body does nothing on schedule! lol


....setting my ticker for 30 days...in case the Clomid actually works well enough for a trigger shot.

So far no negative side effects with the Provera.

7 more night shifts to go til I'm on days!

Sooo...new game plan.

Dr. L wants me to take 5 days of Provera which will hopefully induce my period within 14 days (or sooner) after taking it.

I would then take the next highest dose of Clomid (100mg) for cycle days 5-9. After that I will go through the follicle study ultrasound on day 13 or 14 of my cycle.

Whew...wish us luck and please, please continue to pray! The Provera has a bad reputation for turning a woman into a crazy person though.

I'm really not understanding why this is so difficult for us. We're both healthy ...or at least I think we are. Why am I the one born with lazy ovaries and low hormone levels? When thinking about my life I did not think it was going to turn out this way.

I guess it is not going the way that I want it to because God is in control and he must have a plan. It's just difficult to believe that sometimes given all that is going on around me. In my circle of friends/close cousins half of us have had life events that were certainly not in the plans. Why does God do what he does? That is probably the biggest question we all have. It's hard to be patient and give over the control.

Day 34 and nothing...negative test also. Just pray for my sanity.

In other news this is Andy's first week of his last semester!! Wish him luck!

Day 32..nothing yet and feeling a bit bloated. I'll keep ya posted! lol

Day 30 and nothing...this is certainly not how I wanted to start out 2010! Hope remains though since it hasn't started.

Test was negative today...my period hasn't started so who knows. :( Depressing.

I'm really hoping since this was a medicated cycle that it will be within the "normal" 28-30 days.

I tested Saturday which would have been 4-5 days early and the test was negative. I'm testing again tomorrow morning and I hope it's either positive or that my period starts so that we can move on without wasting any time!! Please pray for us! We really do want to be pregnant!

1 Thessalonians 5:18
...give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Going to day shift January 31st! woot-woot!!

Happy New Year Everyone!!

I hope that 2010 brings good things to everyone. :)

New Years Resolutions to come later....what are yours?!